Not Love, But I Wish it Was

I don’t wake up missing you, just what life used to be. I wake up missing the way a bed feels with someone else in it. I wake up missing the warmth of two bodies lazily pressed together in the early hours of the morning. I wake up missing the sound of someone breathing softly as they trace their fingers across your skin. I miss all of that, but I don’t miss you.

Sad as it may be, the more time I spent with you the more I realized that the things I loved about us, had nothing to do with us at all. No, the thing that I was really falling for was the feeling of falling in love itself. Saddest of all though isn’t that I stopped loving you, it’s I never did in the first place.

We never really got to love. I was falling and falling and falling and falling, loving every second of the sensation, but I never got anywhere, so I left. Being with you had me realize that what I was feeling couldn’t be love, because love can’t be a collection of experiences I can imagine with anyone.

So I’m sorry, but even though I’m missing something I won’t be coming back. I already found you, but you’re not what I am looking for.

Photography by: Zoey Johnson

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