You’ve been asking me to open up to you, so it’s only fair that I write you one of these. I’m sure this isn’t what you had in mind when you said that, but right now I think this is the best I can do. I’m sorry I never let you know just how bad I was getting, but I was afraid of tainting such a wonderful person with the poison my existence has turned into. I suppose exposing you to my toxic presence without telling you is just as bad, but time spent with you always felt lighter so I do hope you understand.
It’s odd really, for as much of a hard time as I give you for, cancelling our plans, bailing on date party, and bullying my adorable roommate I would endure it all one thousand times over if the end result is being luckiest enough to know someone like you. I shouldn’t say someone like you, because honestly there’s no one quite like you. No one could ever be quite like you, not in my eyes at least.
You probably don’t know how many times you’ve saved me. This year I’ve been at my lowest, and often choose to hide away from the world, and yet you alone seem to always be able to drag me from that dark place. With a smile you pull me back into the world of the living, and make remember why I choose to keep breathing. It’s that same smile that makes this sad reality so much harder to swallow. I can’t keep teetering on the edge like this, and I can’t keep making you save me, so there’s really only one choice to make.
Goodbye Sydney, I hope you won’t be too angry at me for keeping you in the dark, I just didn’t want one of my brightest lights to go out.